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Inside Out |
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December 11, 2008-- Volume 4, Issue 9 |
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A Message from Kim |
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2008 has been quite a year, hasn't it? We are fighting different wars, our economy is greatly challenged and we have elected our first black president. This has been a year of interesting things, to say the least. As the year draws to a close, do you find yourself taking stock of your personal life this year? What things have you done of meaning this year? How are you managing in times of crisis and adversity? Have you kept moving ahead even though the odds were against you? Do you consider that everything is going according to plan? Do you see the happiness in life's valleys and the inevitable downturns in the peaks? Life is a roller coaster so you might as well enjoy the ride! Nothing lasts forever. The only sure thing is change. So, no matter what situation you find yourself in, know that this too shall pass. If you can stand it just one more day, something better awaits around the corner. You don't have to be miserable in your life conditions, whatever they may be. Misery is a choice. Make today the day you want it to be! |
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In This Issue |
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Feature Article Upcoming Events Book Review |
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Goal Attainment: What Would You Have to Give Up? As 2008 draws to a close, some of you are already looking ahead to what you want to do in 2009. It’s the time of year we begin to self-reflect and adjust our course for the upcoming year. In my work coaching people, I find it interesting that many of my clients set very clear intentions for what they want to accomplish. They are passionate about it. They put in the required work for a period of time. And then something happens. Self-sabotage. Does this sound familiar? Have you ever vowed to lose 10 pounds, speak nicer to your children, stop smoking, save money, pay off credit card debt, or maybe make a weekly date with your life partner? You mean it. You want to do it. You actually do it. And then you slack off? Do you know why? There is actually evidence in neuroscience that explains why we drift back into old behaviors. Our brain actually wires itself to perform repetitive tasks without conscious effort. If you do something in the same sequence enough times, the neurons that are required to perform this task will automatically fire together in the familiar sequence whenever you are confronted with a similar situation and you aren’t vigilantly aware of what your mind subconsciously is programmed to do. If you are accustomed to eating potato chips whenever you feel stress, then when you aren’t paying attention, at the first sign of stress, you may find yourself halfway through a bag of Ruffles before you even realize you’re eating. Our brain is invested in maintaining the status quo. You weigh a certain amount. You aspire to a certain degree of happiness. You make a particular amount of money. Scientists have come to understand that our brains have particular set points, much like the thermostat in your home regulates the heat. Therefore, your brain, your subconscious, can work against you in accomplishing the conscious goals you set. How is it some people are successful in pushing past their set points? There are several ways to do it. One is to maintain a constant vigil of consciousness to your every move. This is extremely exhausting but it can be done with great determination. Other ways include hypnosis or various energy psychology techniques, such as EMDR or EFT. Another way is to bring whatever is subconsciously sabotaging you out into the light where you can consciously deal with it. In my work with coaching clients, I have found this to be a very effective question at getting to the root of the unconscious sabotage. Ask your client, “What would you have to give up to get what you want”? I’m not talking about the obvious, e.g. in order to lose weight, a person would have to give up chocolate and free time to exercise. I’m talking about really digging deep. I asked a woman once what she would have to give up to lose the weight she wants and she looks at me dumbfounded and said, “My husband.” Upon further exploration, she subconsciously believed that if she got healthy enough emotionally to lose the weight she carried, then she would move beyond where her husband was and they would no longer be compatible. Another woman I was working with was having difficulty breaking through her income barrier. She had her own business and just couldn’t move past the $50,000 mark. When I asked her what she would have to give up to be the successful business woman she truly wanted to be, she said she would lose her father’s love and approval. Her subconscious belief was that her father would love and approve of her as long as she wasn’t any more successful than he had been. A final example was a man I was working with to develop his own coaching business. He had the skills, abilities and resources but just wasn’t making progress. When I asked him the question, what would he have to give up to leave his job and go out on his own, his answer was his dream. He was worried that if his dream wasn’t successful, then he would have nothing left. Better to have the dream intact than fail at the one thing he truly wanted. So, this year, ask yourself this tough question. When you get the deepest answer you can find, examine it closely in the light of day. Is it valid? Is it important? Is it worth sacrificing your goal for? Only you can answer these questions but you’ll never even get to these questions unless you do some digging and get to that subconscious sabotage that often lurks in the background waiting to derail your forward progress. Don’t let it happen again this year. Take control and make conscious, intentional decisions. Copyright © December 2008 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.
NOTICE: This article is free and can be copied and reproduced *Click Here to read some of Kim's other articles* |
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Teleconferences All teleconferences are free, one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available. The following Teleconferences are FREE
Goal Setting & Attainment: Set Your World on Fire! January 6, 2009 --8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST Are you serious about attaining your goals next year? Do you want to do more than make a New Year's Resolution that you forget by the time the Super Bowl is on television? Join me on the free teleconference to learn my time-tested 7-Step process for Goal Attainment. We will do more than set goals--we will discuss a system that will exponentially increase your opportunity for success. Also, my Goal Attainment System is multi-faceted. You won't just be focusing your attention on your career goals unless you want to. My system has you take a look at all areas of your life so you can accomplish optimal work/life balance. There is nothing to lose but an hour of your time and so much to gain. Let's make this your best year yet! |
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Chat Room All Chats are from 7:30 - 8:30 p.m. EST December 16, 2008 |
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"Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another." --John Dewey This quote implies that there is always something else to do. I am not interpreting it as we must always stay busy, running around trying to accomplish our next big thing. Sometimes the next goal may be reflection. It may be looking at your thoughts and changing them to serve you better. But there is always something to do next. After you have accomplished a big goal, do you take time to be grateful? Do you look for ways to improve upon what you just did? Do you give thanks for how your accomplishment will help and serve others? Do you celebrate? All of that is appropriate and it leads to the starting point of your next goal. What will your goals be for 2009? Will you make them and forget about them or will this be the year you really get serious and become the person you are capable of being? |
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Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want I thought this was a great book to read right before the new year and goal setting time. James Arthur Ray takes a spiritual look at developing wealth and talks about the five pillars of wealth that must be balanced. Ray isn't talking about simply focusing on increasing your bank account. No, he talks about developing wealth in the areas of financial, relational, mental, physical and spiritual. Click here to purchase this book | ||||||||||
I have often heard from successful people that one thing they recommend and do themselves is read biographies and autobiographies. This year I have begun doing just that and it has proven itself invaluable. Read about people who have already done what you are trying to do. Whatever your interest, you will find great men and women who have something to teach you. You may not have access to them personally but that doesn't mean you can't learn a great deal from studying their lives. I've read Mother Teresa's autobiography, No Great Love. I read Tuesdays with Morrie, about the life and death of an extraordinary man and I've read Randy Pausch's, The Last Lecture. In 2009, I've made the goal to read four biographies in addition to the other things I read. I've chosen Dr. Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Helen Keller and Maya Angelou. Whose biographies will you be reading in 2009? |
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Question: I understand setting goals in the areas of finances and my career but I really don't understand why I have to set goals in the area of relationships. Don't relationships just happen? |
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