Inside Out
Business Edition
"You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!"
--Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.Coachingforexcellence.biz
Kim@Coachingforexcellence.biz

To read our blog click here or go to www.coachingforexcellence.biz and click on "Blog" on the left hand navigation bar. Read some of Kim's musings and add some of your own!

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A Message from Kim

Hi Everyone,

I hope all is well in your world. Things have been very hectic for me over the past few months and consequently, I haven't gotten out a newsletter in quite some time. For that I sincerely apologize.

For those of you who wish to connect with me on social networking sites you can find me on Facebook, Linked In, and Twitter. Just search for Kim Olver and send the connection request. If you are my subscriber, I would be honored to connect with you.

This summer I did a lot of training with teachers and school administrators who are thinking about implementing Choice Theory in their schools. I so enjoy doing the initial training because it is wonderful to see people unlearning all the external control they believed to be true while replacing it with Choice Theory, a new psychology of personal freedom and responsibility.

This newsletter is for teachers and school administrators. However, if you are a manager in a business, all this information still applies. Simply insert manager whenever I speak about a teacher; and insert worker when I speak about students.

It is difficult for many to believe a shift can be made away from external control and the entire school won't lapse into anarchy. It can happen. It's happened at schools and other residential programs across the US and internationally.

There are two critical keys to this success. One is the creation of a need-satisfying environment. People must be able to get their five basic needs met within the environment you create in healthy, responsible and effective ways.

Secondly, the leaders must guard against moving from external control to a completely "hands off" style of leadership. This is also called lazzaise faire leadership. We do not provide an environment without rules! Rules are needed to help people feel safe, one of the five basic needs. The rules have been reduced though to what's absolutely necessary and those that make sense and are useful. And our response to broken rules changes. No longer are we seeking to punish children for breaking rules. The Choice Theory approach is about teaching children a better, more responsible way to get what they want without hurting people or breaking rules.

As long as those two conditions are in place, the only external control an institution will need to keep is for situations where the safety of others in threatened. External control needs to be used to keep people safe. Other than that, we should be eliminating it from the environment because no one likes to be controlled and it is the exact opposite of need-satisfying.

Check out the article this month on Punishment, Discipline and Consequences. It explains in more detail.

Make today the day you want it to be! 
                Unleash the power within you.

In This Issue

Feature Article
Punishment, Discipline and Consequences

Upcoming Events

Upcoming Basic Intensive Weeks in Reality Therapy

Quote of the Month
"When you have difficulty teaching a student, .. Dr. William Glasser

Book Review
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Tip of the Month

Business Q&A

Products & Services

About Kim Olver

Punishment, Discipline and Consequences
Kim Olver

Are you a parent? A teacher? A supervisor? Do you ever struggle with how to handle discipline problems in others? Then, read on. . .

Punishment and discipline have often been interchanged however their meanings couldn’t be more different. The Latin root of punishment means “to inflict pain,” while the Latin root of discipline means “to teach.”

I know there are some people who believe the only way to teach is by inflicting pain but the work of cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, should dispel that myth forever. When studying cells, Dr. Lipton teaches us that cells can only be one of two positions—protection or growth. If a cell is in protection mode it cannot grow. Fear is not a good teacher. Fear can gain compliance but it will never raise a person’s consciousness, develop better decision-making skills or inspire someone to produce quality work. A person who is afraid has only one agenda—eliminate or avoid the threat. Stop the pain.

The idea in discipline is to teach and that can’t be done effectively with fear. The proper teaching environment is supportive, encouraging and challenging. It is not critical, blame-filled or painful. If your goal is to teach, then you must adapt the appropriate mindset. The idea is to take what a person does, see it as their best attempt to get something they want, and help them figure out a more effective and responsible way to get it.

But don’t people need consequences to help them learn? Shouldn’t there be a punishment for breaking rules? Let’s look at that. Yes, there should be consequences for creating unsafe situations. The consequence would be a person’s freedom would be restricted until he/she learned the effective behaviors to manage that freedom. So, if a child is throwing food in the cafeteria, perhaps he/she would have to eat in the classroom with the teacher until he/she develops the self-control to eat with other children without throwing food. But, you wouldn’t kick him off the football team or give him detention..

When people are being unsafe, they lose the privilege of being with the group. If someone brings a weapon to school, he or she is suspended and not permitted to attend school, usually for a year. Hold no illusion that the suspension will teach that child anything. The suspension is not designed to teach; it is only designed to keep others safe.

In a work environment, when someone creates unsafe situations, they are typically written up with a warning and if their behavior continues, then they are often fired. In the community, when people are being unsafe, they may be hospitalized or jailed. I don’t call this discipline or punishment. It is a consequence of the unsafe behavior, designed to protect others from being exposed to that behavior.

If your goal is to discipline or to teach self-discipline, then let’s look at the best teacher there is, natural consequences. Every action any of us takes produces consequences. Some are positive, some negative and some simply neutral. If you don’t wear a coat when it is cold outside, you will be cold, a natural consequence. If you catch your child outside without a coat and you forbid them from being outside, then that is an imposed consequence. There is nothing natural about that.

If a child doesn’t study for the test, then the natural consequence is often a failing grade. That’s a natural consequence.  What if the child doesn’t study and still gets a good grade? That’s also a natural consequence. It’s a consequence of already knowing the material. Do you think the person should be disciplined for not studying, even though the grade earned was good? What would be the lesson in that?

The best way I know to help people develop positive self-discipline is to first have a caring, respectful relationship with him or her. When people know you care about their well-being, then they aren’t afraid and their soul (and cells) can be open for growth.

Then teach the child to choose behavior that is in line with their goals and the person he or she wants to be. Help them to understand the difference between short-term pleasure and long-term happiness. Connect the things you want the person to do with something they genuinely want. Trust them to make good decisions in the future.

The consequence for misbehavior is a conversation—a conversation designed to teach people a more effective and responsible ways to get what they want in the situation without hurting themselves or others. That conversation is still an imposed consequence but it comes from a caring place and an educational mindset.

Next month, I’ll teach you the process to help people learn the art of self-evaluation, an invaluable life tool.

Copyright © November 2009 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.

Kim Olver is an approved senior faculty member with the William Glasser Institute. In that role, she can bring Choice Theory to your school for a teacher in-service day or days and can start a select group of 16 faculty through the certification program. She offers ongoing coaching for teachers who are implementing Choice Theory in their classrooms. For more information, go to www.choicetheorycentral.com and get on our mailing list.

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Upcoming Events

Teleconferences
(Times in EST)

All teleconferences are free, one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.

Inside Out Empowerment Mastermind Group
Second Tuesday of Every Month
Next Teleconference: December 8, 2009

The Inside Out Empowerment Mastermind Group is not a typical teleconference. This is an actual mastermind group. Members participate equally -- both giving to others and receiving suggestions for their own challenges and opportunities. Click on the link to learn more about IOE and how it can help you to open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.

Was it Something I Said? Using Self-Evaluation for Positive Change

Professional Women's Network
December 4, 2009
8:00 - 9:30 a.m.

Have you ever dreaded or put off providing feedback to an employee, client or loved one because you were not sure what to say? Criticism is damaging to the work and home environment. Participants will learn a model of giving feedback when information is lacking and practice asking self-evaluation questions for self-discovery. At the conclusion of this meeting, participants will be equipped with the two necessary components for obtaining honest and accurate self-evaluation from workers, team members, or even loved ones.

Goal Setting & Attainment: Getting What You Want in 2010!

December 7, 2009 - 6:00 - 9:00 p.m.
December 9, 2009 - 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL

You can attain your goals year after year with an effective, time-tested system —a plan with built-in support and accountability.  Attaining your goals requires hard work and determination.  You need to plan and make time to work on your goals.  They will not just happen.  This workshop will give you the strategies you need to make a plan and manage your time while still maintaining a positive attitude and staying motivated until you complete your goals. 

I Don't Undertand Why You Do What You Do!

December 8, 2009 - 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL

This workshop will help you develop an understanding of why people do the crazy things they do. Whether it's men, women, certain ethnicities, particular religions, different generations, or various other types of people, you will leave with the knowledge that different isn't wrong, it's just different. We will look at similarities and differences. We will discuss the one overlooked factor that often gets in the way of diversity appreciation. Discover what it's like being on the outside.

Why Do People Do What They Do?

December 7, 2009 - 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL

This workshop is ideal for teachers, counselors, social workers, psychologists, and school administrators. Dr. William Glasser’s new psychology of personal freedom,“Choice Theory,” is discussed. Choice Theory empowers people to change their lives personally and professionally by putting their energy into those things they have control over—their own behavior and thinking. Learn how to self-evaluate and help others self-evaluate the effectiveness of their choices. Identifying the fundamentals of choice therapy and interviewing clients using reality therapy are covered in this workshop.

Choice Coaching

Learn why businesses are moving from the authoritarian approach in supervision to the collaborative coaching approach in this two-day class. Generation X and Y workers do not respond well to authoritarian supervision. Coaching provides a new model of supervision designed to reach those workers. Learn the psychology behind this supervision style and practice its use while receiving feedback.

Upcoming Basic Intensive Weeks in Reality Therapy

November 16 -20, 2009 - Williamsburg, PA
April 19 - 23, 2010 - Matteson, IL

The Basic Intensive Week in Choice Theory and Reality Therapy is a 4 day or 4½-day workshop where you will be exposed to some highly innovative ideas of Dr. William Glasser. You will learn the new psychology of personal freedom called Choice Theory. There is application in this workshop for teachers, school administrators, counselors, therapists, social workers, business managers, clergy, nurses, parents, and anyone interested in improving the quality of their life. You will learn how to empower yourself by distinguishing between those things you can control and those you can’t and focus your energy on those you can. There is practical advice about how to improve the important relationships in your life and how to become the person you want to be. This workshop helps you become more effective in counseling and teaching others, particularly those who may not even know they need your help—non-voluntary clients and less than enthusiastic students. The group size is kept small enough that you will receive individual attention and have plenty of time to have your questions answered.

Quote of the Month

"When you have difficulty teaching a student, one thing you can be absolutely sure
of is that student is unhappy in your class and, very likely, unhappy in school."

--Dr. William Glasser

When you have been successful in creating a need-satisfying environment in your classroom for both you and your students, the students will be happy because they have opportunities to get their needs met in your classroom. However, if that environment has not been set and students are not being challenged, do not feel connected and competent, have no freedom and are having no fun, they will be unhappy and learning will be a challenge.

The good news is that there is something you can do about it. Create the kind of classroom and teach in a way that everyone feels safe, connected, powerful, free and learning is fun. I know this may sound like a tall order but if you knew students' behavior problems would virtually disappear and you would be able to teach a happy and eager class, wouldn't it be worth the effort?

Book Review

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Emotional Intelligence is measured by what Gardner (Multiple Intelligences) called interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligences. Here is how he defines them:

Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them. Successful salespeople, politicians, teachers, clinicians, and religious leaders are all likely to be individuals with high degrees of interpersonal intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence, the key to self-knowledge, includes access to one's own feelings and the ability to discriminate among them and draw upon them to guide behavior.

Both of these intelligences and their accompanying skills encompass Goleman's concept of Emotional Intelligence, which can be a more accurate predictor of success than IQ. And the good news is that Emotional Intelligence can be taught.

If you are a teacher, parent or counselor, I recommend you read this book to find out just how you can address the acquisition of a higher Emotional Intelligence for the children whose life you have the privilege of influencing.

Click here to purchase this book

Tip of the Month

Classroom Discipline

This summer I was working with a group of teachers who had adopted a method of classroom discipline they were reluctant to relinquish without an equally satisfying replacement. This makes total sense using Choice Theory. We know if people have an effective way of getting what they want (translation it works) they aren't usually willing to try something new unless they are convinced the new way will yield at least the same results, if not better.

The program they were using implemented increasing levels of warnings prior to the administration of a consequence. One of the things I like so much about Choice Theory is that it provides a theory and not just techniques. Techniques can fail you but if you have a theory of human behavior, then when one thing fails, you know what to do next. You have a framework for problem solution. Therefore, I hesitated to provide a step-by-step process for classroom discipline, however, when I framed it up in Choice Theory terms, I realized a flexible system was indeed possible. Here is how it goes.

When a child is acting out in class, first let him or her know what you want from him as the teacher of the class. Express your needs and the needs of the class.

If the child doesn't respond, then ask if there is something that child wants from you? And then whatever the response, you take it from there.

If the child continues to disrupt, then you invite him or her to use the chill out space provided in the back of the room. This is not a punishment spot and kids are never forced to go there. It is provided and offered whenever a child may need a few minutes to get back on track.

If all those attempts fail, the final step is to send the child out of the classroom for counseling in the Connection Room. This is a place where the child can process with an adult or peer about better ways to get what he or she needs while in class without disrupting everyone else's learning.

As long as this system is used flexibly, it provides some teachers the framework they need for a class discipline procedure. Again, don't expect it to work unless you've done what you need to do to create a need-satisfying environment in your classroom. That is always the first step of any positive self-discipline program.

Business Q&A

Question: While making the transition from external control to Choice Theory, doesn't it make sense to keep some external control in place while transitioning so as to prevent chaos?

Answer: This is a question that may draw different answers from different people. I know I have heard Dr. Glasser say that discipline programs are the cancer that threatens to kill our principles and values. Once you have learned Choice Theory and understand about internal motivation and the damage that is done through the use of external control, why would you want to hang onto any of it?

It sends a very clear message to the students that you are confused. On one hand, you are attempting to build relationships with them and on the other, you are still beating them into the ground for doing the best they know how to get what they want to more effectively meet their needs.

I support Dr. Glasser's thinking that once you make the decision to implement Choice Theory in the school, you must eliminate the use of external control except in the situations involving personal safety. Obviously, if someone brings a weapon to school or is fighting with a student, you have a responsibility to stop those behaviors for the safety of others.

However, cutting class, skipping school, incompletion of homework, wearing hats in the building, chewing gum and other infractions do not need to be dealt with using external control. The consequence is that we are going to have a conversation about your behavior. I want to know what you want to get by engaging in the problematic behavior. Then we are going to work together to come up with a plan for you to try something different that will still get you what you want without hurting others or breaking the rules.

In this way we are actually teach the child self-discipline. This way he will know what to do when adults aren't there to tell him. We want to teach children how to get what they want in a way that doesn't interfere with others getting what they want. This is in keeping with the Latin root of the word discipline, meaning "to teach."

Research is showing, contrary to popular opinion, that people don't learn when they are frightened. The best you can hope for with coersion is compliance. When someone is scared, he or she is not engaging in frontal lobe thinking but instead is operating from the back of the brain in an attempt to avoid the threat. This is not the best way to learn.

What to we have to lose? What we are doing is not working? School discipline problems are getting worse in stead of better. We have a model, The Glasser Quality School model, that actually works. Go visit a Quality School near you and see what you see. You can find them listed at http://www.wglasser.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=16&Itemid=30.

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